Going on a date for the first time can be daunting. It can be stressful, from panicking about what to say to concerns about your safety.
Sometimes, you may even want to leave the date as soon as you meet the person because they don’t look like you imagined.
Whatever the reason, dating coach Leigh-Joy says you should not feel bad for wanting to leave a date when you feel uncomfortable.
“Always trust your instinct. Sometimes fear can mask itself as your intuition telling you not to do something. So, it’s essential to check in with the feeling and see where it is coming from,” she says.
“If it is coming from a place of fear of abandonment or rejection, lean into that feeling and say, ‘Thank you for coming to protect me, but I got this’.
Ask your intuition if the fear is valid or not. If your intuition says you are fearful and it’s okay, then follow your intuition because you will be supported in the situation,” she explains.
Here are 3 things to do to bow out of a date that has gone wrong, according to the dating coach:
- Have a friend you can phone during the date and say you have something to attend to and leave.
- Be honest and polite: “I appreciate your time and energy, and I wish you well in your search. I am leaving now.” “I feel uncomfortable and would prefer to leave now. Thank you.” “You are going to make some girl really happy one day, and I wish you luck on your search.”
- Ask your waiter for a flamingo cocktail: On arrival, let them know that if you order the cocktail, it is a code for ‘get me out of here pronto.’
“Life is too short to do ‘people pleasing’ and stay on a date that is going south,” she adds.
She would not encourage ghosting someone after a date, “In my opinion, it’s a tool only to be used in extreme situations like when your safety is in danger. Otherwise, treat people as you would like to be treated. We are adults, and sharing with someone why this relationship won’t work for you is kind to you and them. They get to hear what you value, and you get to stand up for yourself. We teach people how to treat us.”
Here are reasons people may want to leave in the middle of a date:
1. When their date gets drunk.
2. When they bad-mouth their ex.
3. When the date is boring, they continuously speak about golf, fishing, bike riding, beekeeping, and money without asking the other person about their passions.
4. Talking non-stop.
5. A date that is racist, misogynistic, bigoted, and insulting or rude to their date or restaurant staff.