Dating sites like Tinder have tried to simplify dating and meeting someone new. Swipe right and find your match. It sounds so easy, in theory.
In reality, you could easily match with a swindler who scams and leaves you in debt and emotional distress. Or, you could meet with a few billionaire Elon Musk-type profiles. But why would you swipe right when you see all these Elons on the app?
There are other ways to find your match. However, dating coach and relationship expert Dudu Nhlabathi-Madonsela admits it is not always simple to meet the ideal partner.
“It’s not always black and white. For example, dingy shebeens where the patrons are always drunk out of their minds are an obvious no-no. But, on the other hand, a golf course might be an excellent idea for a 40-year-old woman and a terrible idea for an 18-year-old girl, as most people who take up the sport are slightly older. So, one must ask themselves what they are looking for,” she says.
Positioning yourself in the “right” places is important. If you are a dog lover, you could join those park groups or if you are a gym fanatic or prefer a partner who works out, go to the gym more often.
Dudu’s TikTok video went viral after she recommended where women need to go to meet “decent” men. She advised women take up cycling and join a cycling club. Some people thought her dating advice was classist, and others were keen to get on a bike to meet their “type”.
There have been stories of women going out on solo dates with the sole intention of meeting someone. So, look your best and scout a location where you will likely meet the kind of man you want to attract.
Not to dampen the enthusiasm, but can you imagine the disappointment of going home without a new contact on your phone after all the effort and expectation? This is probably something to anticipate.
It sounds like self-torture. Why does dating sound so much like an extreme sport?
“Dating is not hard if you are entirely in tune with yourself. We act out our childhood in our adult years, and if you are not conscious of the issues you’re projecting onto others, you will always date from a wounded place,” Dudu says.
“The desperate need to be loved, unreasonable expectations, and attachment style determine the quality of your love life.”
If you look at people who have never struggled with dating, one or both of the following things can be observed:
– The more options you have, the less likely you are to short-change yourself. People who don’t struggle to meet potential mates are more likely to walk away when they observe red flags. And the trick is to believe that you are worthy to exercise your options. There is no point in being rated an 8/10 in terms of eligibility if you think you are a four.
– People like people who are at ease. There is something irresistible about a person who does not need to prove a point, knows their worth and does not need the world to feel validated.